The Quickest Way to a Man's Heart
by A'isha Ishtar
Summary: She almost couldn't believe it. She had not gotten a Homunculus to kidnap her because she had ticked him off. Noooo, she had gotten him to kidnap her because he liked her cooking. Envy/OC Rated for safety
1. Chapter 1

Five-thirty at night. A huge fairground, crowded with State Alchemists and their guests. It was just beginning to get dark, and the Central Region of the mighty Amestris was completely abuzz by now. The festival had come into full swing, as the alchemists were demonstrating their talents and getting license renewals from Colonel Roy Mustang. He himself had already gotten his license renewed, putting on a spectacular pyrotechnics and light show.

Hera "Hershey's Kiss" (or just Hershey) Taylor, the Gourmet Alchemist, was catering the whole event practically by herself. She did have a young lady who took orders and delivered them to her, but Hershey did the rest herself. She made the orders and called the customers to the counter. She loved seeing their faces when they took the first bite of something she had created. It made her happy to see that she truly did deserve her title and rank. Just a year older than Edward Elric, she was the second youngest alchemist in the biz. (Well, she shared "second youngest" with Edward's younger brother, Alphonse, since they'd entered at the same age.) She loved that people appreciated her work.

"Miss Taylor!"

Hershey looked up, grinning as she saw her commander. "Ohhh, Colonel Spicy Mustard! **(1)** How are you doing?"

"Quite well," he smiled, fluttering his lashes at her. "I've earned _my_ license renewal."

"Yeah, I saw your flame show. Got some fancy footwork. Who choreographed it - Beyoncé?"

"Funny."

"Ack!" The young lady who took orders, Mari, ran up to the booth, tugging on Roy's arm. "I'm sooo sorry, Miss Taylor! I tried to stop him, but-"

Hershey giggled. "It's okay, Marzipan. He's my boss, here to see if I deserve to have my license renewed."

Mari's face turned red. "A-Alright... well, then, I have to take some orders, then, I suppose..." She scuttled off, quite obviously embarrassed.

"Guessing _she's_ not an alchemist and never plans to become one," Roy sighed. He looked at Hershey. "Well, I see you're doing a bang-up job, Hera. Looks like everyone's loving your food, as always."

"Aww, thanks. I do my best."

"And now _I_ am ready to take a sample of your work and determine your worth for being recertified."

"Okay, what would you like?"

He grinned. "Pepperoni pizza, please!"

"Sure, then. I have some made already, so lucky for both of us!" Hershey hurried over to the pizza rack and placed a still-hot slice of pepperoni on a plate, then went back and surrendered it to her commanding officer. "And would the big bad Colonel like anything to drink?"

"Mmm." Roy gladly took a big bite out of the pizza. "Ah!" He waved a hand in front of his mouth. "Hot! But, very good. I'm delighted to see your culinary skills haven't diminished. In fact, it seems like you're getting better with age - just like a fine wine. I think it's better than what I had last year. Good job." He gave her a thumbs-up. "I'll mark you down for renewal, love."

"Awww, thanks! You're the best, Colonel Spicy Mustard!" **(2)**

He rolled his eyes at her tendency to give people, even her commander, nicknames that referred to food. Chuckling, he waved as he walked off. "Well, I've got to go test the Elrics now."

"Escargot and Alfalfa Elric? **(3)** Oh, yay! I know they'll do great. They're the best, they're sooo sweet. And they love my food! Well... Escargot does, anyway. Alfalfa can't have it yet, unfortunately." She pouted for a few seconds, then grinned. "But someday, he will! Someday he'll be able to have my special spaghetti pizza and Wine's **(4)** apple pie! She's almost better than _me_ when it comes to that, hee-hee!"

"... Edward seems to think Winry's _the_ best at apple pie."

"You better be gone in the next ten seconds if you don't want that pizza yanked from your gloved hands and a milkshake stuck to your dark locks, Colonel Spicy Mustard."

"Gah..." Roy was quickly running off. "Well, have fun with the rest of the festival, Hera!"

"And you _stay_ get before I give you a whole double heapin' _helpin'_ of get!" Hershey shrieked after him, waving her fist angrily. "If you come back to my stand I'ma slap you with a wet spaghetti noodle!" She drew herself back into her stall and crossed her arms, grumbling.

Mari came over. "Oh, uh, M-Miss Taylor... you have an order."

"Oh, okay, then." She smiled. "Okay, what's the number?"

"Forty-three."

"Okay, forty-three... and what do they want?"

"He said a chocolate parfait." Mari's face turned red. "I didn't know what that was... do you know how to make it?"

"Mmmm, yum. I love those. Nobody's ordered one in the last year. Weird that somebody wants one now. Almost makes me wish I could make one for myself... but I can't because that would be 'wasting resources'. Ah, maybe I'll take a little bite before I send it off..." She grabbed a plastic sundae cup and began to make it. "So who is this going to?"

"Oh, um..." Mari scanned the crowd, then pointed at a young man with blonde hair dressed in a black hoodie and jeans, with a younger child who had dark hair sitting on his shoulders. "That's him."

"Ooh, he's kinda cute. And that kid with him is absolutely adorable. Didja flirt with him?"

"... No..."

"Oh, good! He looks like such a player. Even _I_ don't want to get involved with someone like that." She flicked her violet hair over her shoulder. "And that is coming from the girl who was dumped by Colonel Spicy Mustard a few years back, when he was just Spicy Mustard without the 'Colonel'."

"Ah, well..." Mari rubbed the back of her head. "He _was_ cute back then, Miss Taylor."

Hershey rolled her eyes. "For God's sake, he's still cute _now_. Sexy, even! And that's a word I don't often use. Sexy. Sexy, sexy, sexy."

"Are you-"

"_Sexeh_!"

"..." Mari sweatdropped. "Miss Taylor, are you quite finished?"

"When you put it that way - _perhaps_!"

"You are aware we just somewhat quoted Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged, ma'am?"

"Aware and damn proud of it." **(5)**

"Uh, well, alright..." Mari scanned the area. "Ohhh, look! There's Al... Al... Al..." Her face was turning pinker with every time she stuttered, trying to say his name. "Al..."

Hershey rolled her brown eyes and gave Mari a slap on the back.

"... Phonse!" Mari shook her head and sighed dreamily, casting an adoring gaze at the suit of armor the boy's soul was currently attached to. "He's so sweet and... handsome..."

"Marzipan? At the moment, Alfalfa's soul is currently trapped inside that big honkin' suit of metal. You find that attractive?"

Mari blushed. "Well... I never said I wasn't desperate! And besides, I don't care about looks. He's the sweetest guy I've ever met. Oh, I'd do _anything_ to just go hold his hand... look at the fireworks display that Kimblee lent a hand in creating..." She blinked. "Oh, I miss Kimblee so much. He may have been insane but he was always nice to me when I came around."

"Kumquat **(6)** was freaking _awesome_. I visit him every chance I get. Insane people are always the most fun!"

"... D-Do you think A-Alphonse would find it forward if I asked him on a date?"

"Well, if you wanna press your lips to something that'll taste like iron, by all means, be my guest!" Hershey pushed Mari forward. "Go get your flirt on, O leader of the cherry blossoms!" **(7)**

"Whoa, hey!" Mari stumbled forward. "Th-Thank you, Miss Taylor!"

Hershey chuckled and looked down at the chocolate parfait she was making for that redhead. She blinked. "Oh. I'm finished. Awesome!" She brought the mic up to her mouth. "Hellooooo! Number forty-three! Come get yo' yummehz!"

She saw the blonde put the kid down and say something to him. Then the blonde walked over to the stand. "Hey." **(8)**

"Here." She slid the cup forward and handed him a spoon. "Enjoy! Wish I could. I'm so hungry..." She put a hand over her stomach. "I haven't had any dinner, and you just _had_ to ask for my favorite dessert!" She crossed her arms, pouting. "Sometimes I think everyone's just taunting me."

The guy chuckled. "You're kinda funny... you want a bite? If you're worried about me telling anyone... I won't."

"Well..." She opened her mouth. "Okay, I'm not about to refuse food!"

The guy took a spoonful of the parfait and placed it in her mouth. "There ya go." He grinned, wiping the spoon off with a napkin. "Well, I gotta get back to my little brother." He saluted. "See ya around."

She smiled as she watched him leave. He was actually kinda nice. She suddenly thought of something, and leaned forward. "Hey! What's your name?"

Obviously, he hadn't heard her. He just kept on walking.

**(1) - Heh... heh-heh... Spicy Mustard...**

**(2) - HAHA IT'S EVEN FUNNIER THE SECOND TIME!**

**(3) - That would be Edward and Alphonse. In case you haven't noticed she likes giving people food-related nicknames.**

**(4) - Wine = Winry**

**(5) - Haha... Yugioh Abridged is so funny. ALL Abridged series are actually... my friend was going to do an Abridged of FMA. He's not sure who I should be. Think it's a good idea? :D**

**(6) - Kumquat = Kimblee (I lurv Kimblee)**

**(7) - ... Because Mari has pink hair... XD Yeah Hershey's weird.**

**(8) - OMG GUESS WHO THIS PERSON IS. :O**

**... I have too many unfinished stories... ah well. Enjoy this one, I hope you do, I really hope you do! ^^**


	2. Chapter 2

That guy was actually nice, and Hershey had just let him _go_. She could see him from the stand, and he was sharing the parfait she'd made with that dark-haired kid, probably his brother. She almost couldn't believe it. She'd found _the_ perfect guy. He was a mix of the Elric brothers and Roy - slightly punkish like Edward, but had a heart of gold like Alphonse, and was sexy like Roy. Really, she did have a tendency to let men get away from her... kind of like her mother, if she had to compare herself to _that woman_.

She sighed and rested her cheek on her hand, watching the guy. The little kid was sweet, too, always smiling and laughing - sometimes yanking on the older one's hair, which she thought was cute. She'd always had a soft spot for kids, which was why Alphonse liked her - if she had to guess the reason. It certainly wasn't because she cooked well, because he couldn't even eat it. Although that probably did have _something_ to do with it, since he was always fantasizing about what he'd eat when he got his body back. And she _was_ the only alchemist that fought with food. She blinked, and twirled some of her hair. "... Maybe that's why Spicy Mustard has never sent me on a high-stakes mission. Huh, I've never thought about it before... but I've never even seen a Homunculus up close! Gee, that's really stupid. Why was I cursed with awesome? This talent's not useful for anything besides owning a freaking restaurant!" She swatted at a fly that had come her way. "Great, that's all I need, insects infesting my food stand!" She waved her hand, trying to smack it away. "Shoo, fly! Don't bother me! Shoo, fly, don't bother me!"

"That's a cool song!"

Surprised, Hershey looked down to see the blonde boy's little brother blinking up at her with big lavender eyes. "Whoa! Holy small person!"

The kid giggled. "You're lucky I don't care about my height."

"Yeah... if I said that to _Escargot_, he'd yell at me. Real loud."

"Escargot? Isn't that, like, snails?" He made a face. "Gross, I bet snails taste nasty..."

"I give all my friends food names. His real name's Edward."

"Oh, cool." He blinked. "Do you have apple juice, and can I have some?"

"Sure thing." She grabbed the pitcher and poured some into a paper cup so it was filled about halfway. "Hey, kid... did your brother send you over here?"

"..." The kid snatched the cup. "... Maybe... who wants to know?"

"I'm Hershey's Kiss."

"Hee-hee, that's a funny name!"

"Don't you be makin' fun of what my nickname be, boy!"

"What's your _real_ name?"

"Hera. But I like Hershey's Kiss _way_ better. Some people just call me Hershey, though." She raised an eyebrow. "Did your brother send you over here to find out my name?"

"... Yep. He said since our auntie isn't here, I hafta listen to _him_."

"Brothers."

"Tell me about it." He walked off with his juice, waving. "Thanks!"

"Bye-ya, kiddo! Come back sooooooooon!"

"I will, Kiss-chan!"

Hershey raised an eyebrow, then banged her head down on the counter, sighing. Now a little kid was calling her "Kiss". That just freaking _completed_ her life.

"Well, well, Hera, how's your business holding up? Looks like you're doing pretty well."

Hershey snapped her head up, a grin plastering itself on her face as she recognized the voice. "Kumquat!" She leaned over and threw her arms around him, giggling. "Kumquat, I have missed you soooo much! Did they finally let you out of the loony lock-up?"

Kimblee chuckled, straightening his tie when she let go of him. "For good? I wish, but no. They let me out here tonight so I could see how my... fireworks display made out." He reached over, took her hand, and kissed it lightly. "It's nice to see you again, Hera. So, did you see my show, love?"

"Oh, I saw some of it - I can't see it all too well from here, but the ones that shoot up higher I could see. It turned out pretty great, I think."

"Mmm, yes, I think I've outdone myself this year." He looked around, then blinked and looked back at her. "Where's Mari?"

"Well, she went over to watch the fireworks with Alfalfa. I assume she acted really shy, he got her to confess that she has a crush on her, and now they're cuddling and feeding each other... erm... something romantic?"

"You're not good with romance, are you, Hera?"

"Never have been. Just like..." She shuddered. "_My mother_." She pretended to gag, sticking her finger down her throat in a mock attempt to make herself throw up. "I hate the fact that... _she_... gave birth to me. I hate the fact that my parents had sex to create me! It makes me wanna develop TB so I can die and sink happily into the ground while maggots eat my eyes out."

"..." Kimblee sighed, but smiled, shaking his head. "I remembered you as being... slightly less morbid."

"How long ago did we see each other?"

"I think it was two years ago, about this time. I wasn't let out last year because they _said_ I caused a volcanic eruption in my science class. Which is a ludicrous accusation, by the way."

"Pity. Well, I've soured a little and now I'm bittersweet... but more bitter than sweet, really. You want anything? Please tell me you're hungry. Please?" She blinked, widening her eyes and managing to look absolutely begging.

Kimblee smiled and reached over, rubbing her on the head. "Afraid not, kid. I actually have to be getting back to my cell. Wish I could, though - it looks like you're doing a great job. Well, I have to be off, then. Tell Mari I said hi."

"Okay." She hung her head, sighing. "Bye-bye, Kumquat..."

"Hey Kiss-chan?"

Hershey looked down to see the kid who was there before. "Oh. Heya there, little person. What's up? You want more juice?"

"Nope. My brother says he likes your food."

"Oh. Well... tell him I said thanks."

"He wants t'know if you can make somethin' he can take home. Like in a box."

"Uh, okay... sure. Geez, I've never got a request for that before... do you know what he likes?"

"Um..." The kid looked down and put a hand on his stomach. "I'm not sure what _he_ likes... but I like ice cream!"

Hershey giggled and shook her head. "Well, I can get you some ice cream. And why don't you get your brother for me so we can figure out what he wants to take?"

"Okie-dokie, I'll be right back!" He ran off towards the blonde boy.

Hershey shook her head, smiling, and scooped some ice cream into a paper bowl for the kid. He was so cute. "Might have to start callin' that one Cutie Pie," she giggled, putting the ice cream back into the alchemically refrigerated section of the stand. "Kids are so sweet." She looked at the bowl, put her finger in, then licked it after making sure nobody was watching. "Mmm. Just like ice cream."


	3. Chapter 3

Hershey hummed and tapped her fingers as she waited for the kid to come back with his brother. Maybe she'd get to find out that guy's name after all. Oh, she could just see it now... they'd be walking along the beach, holding hands and smiling... going to a movie and touching hands in the popcorn... having a romantic picnic where he insisted on feeding her every single bite...

"Whoa there," she stopped herself. "You just slow down there, big girl. I can't rush into this. I have no idea what he's like. Maybe he has a girlfriend. And if he doesn't, I mean... friendship comes first, right?" She shook her head, sighing. "Kumquat was right. I'm terrible with romance."

"Kiss-chan!" The little kid had come back, and he was dragging his brother, the blonde, by the hand. "I brought my big brother!"

"Great." Hershey blinked, then leaned out of her stand and looked around the fairground. "Wowee. Looks like a lot of people left early." She laughed, pushing her bangs back. "If people keep leaving at this rate, we might be the last ones here in a matter of minutes!"

"Exactly what I was hoping for." The blonde leaned over the counter and dipped his finger in the ice cream, then slowly licked it. "Mmm. More of that good food."

"Hey, that's _mine_!" the kid protested, using his little fists to beat up on the guy's back.

"Yeah yeah, not now." The blonde waved a hand, using his hip to bump his brother aside. "Anyway..." He looked back at Hershey, giving her an admittedly sexy smirk. "You know, I'm not quite sure what I want. Maybe you could help me decide?"

"Oh sure." She nodded, stepping to the side a little. "Sorry, I'm probably in the way. Now, most of this stuff was made a while ago, but just point out what you want and I can whip it up fresh right here."

"Using alchemy? That's an... interesting ability."

She shrugged. "I think it's weird. I mean seriously, what am I going to do with it? Open a lemonade stand? Throw a banana cream pie in some bad guy's face? Really. Sometimes I don't even believe I'm stuck with such a sucky power. It's not an element, is it? So why the _he_-" She glanced down at the little kid and decided she shouldn't swear around him. "Uh... _Heluva Good_ **(1)** do I have it?" She grinned, then looked back at the blonde. "So, do you see anything you like?"

"Hmm... yes." He leaned in, and for a moment Hershey was worried he would kiss her - she wouldn't be able to stop him, after all. She was too scared to scoot away or move, so she just stood there, staring at him. But he didn't kiss her though. He pressed his nose to hers and gave her that ridiculously sexy smirk once again. "I do see something I like."

Unable to pull away, she swallowed hard and clutched the counter so hard she thought she'd splinter the wood. "Uh... o-okay, so... what do you want?"

His eyes closed halfway as he looked at her, meeting the gaze her brown eyes cast on him. "I think I'll take... you. To go."

It took her a full ten seconds to comprehend what he'd just said. And by that time, he had already yanked her out from behind the stand, slamming her into the moist, cold ground. "Wrath! You take her back to the hideout, I'll take care of these idiots!"

The little dark-haired boy suddenly grabbed onto Hershey's arm, dragging her along faster than should be humanly possible - especially for a little kid like him. "Hurry up, Big Brother Envy, or your food's gonna get cold!"

"Just get outta here!"

* * *

Hershey's protests and screaming did nothing to make the boy slow down at all. He pulled her along, saying nothing but going faster than anybody she'd ever known. She could do nothing except allow herself to be dragged off, and even then it was hard to keep up with him.

Finally they stopped, and the boy held one of Hershey's hands on his, pinning her wrist to the ground in between where they were both sitting. "Is this too tight, Kiss-chan?" he asked, looking up at her like he _hadn't_ just dragged her through the forest against her will.

Hershey brushed loose leaves and twigs from her hair and swept her bangs back with her free hand. "What the hell is your problem, you pint-sized little demon fruit?"

He blinked up at her. "What're you callin' _me_ names for? Big Brother Envy's the one who wanted to bring you home with us."

"I'm callin' _you_ names 'cause _you're_ the one who just schlepped me through, like, fifty miles of Amestrian wilderness, that's what for, you little son of a crock pot! And you're lucky I'm a food person, else you'd be gettin' called son of a _crack_ pot!" Hershey took a few breaths, trying to calm herself down. "Okay, now... what the _hell_ is going on? Why do all the freaks come out at night?"

The boy was busy drawing circles in the dirt. "Huh? Whatcha mean, what's goin' on? You're gonna live with us now - and maybe now I'll have someone besides Mommy to play with me! You'll play with me, right?"

Hershey blinked at him a few times, then tried to free her hand. "Come on, let me go! I don't even understand anything you're saying!"

The little boy sighed dramatically, hanging his head. He looked up again and rolled his eyes at her - like she was stupid or something. "Well, Envy and I went to the festival, you know? The one you were working at. We just wanted to get out for a while - well, _he_ wanted to, and Mommy and Lust said if he didn't wanna get skewered, whatever that means, he had to take me 'cause I thought it sounded like fun. So Envy took me, and we played a few games. We didn't win anything though, on account of I'm not strong enough to get above the first rank on that strength test, and Envy throws like a girl so he couldn't knock down those milk bottles-"

"Excuse me." Hershey held up her other hand, like she was a student in a classroom. "Where do _I_ come into all of this, hon?"

"OH! Yeah, sorry. Envy says I gotta work on not rambling... whatever _that_ means."

"It means you go on and on and _on_ about every detail of something. Please just tell me _why_ the hell I was thrown on the ground by a blonde stalker and hauled through half of Amestris's tree population by... well, _you_."

"_Oh_, okay. Gotcha." He began to kick his heels into the dirt, lifting his legs and then bringing them down on the ground. "Well, Envy got hungry, so he went over and got that parfait from you. While he was getting it I stole a bite from his cotton candy he got from some other stand - 'cause he wouldn't have let me eat any otherwise - and when he got back he wouldn't share with me and told me to go get my own. So I went over and got my juice, you remember that right?"

"I thought you came over 'cause your 'brother' wanted to know my name."

"Yeah, that too. He laughed when I told him people called you Hershey's Kiss and I was calling you Kiss-chan. I dunno what he's gonna call you though - he'll probably call you 'girl' or something."

"Anyway...? C'mon kid, how did I end up being your prisoner?"

"Umm... yeah. About that. When Envy finished eating, he said he wished you could make _every_ meal for him, but there was no way he could take that much food home. We live forever, you know, so... yeah. Anyway, I asked him why we couldn't ask you to become our chef. He said that was a good idea, but forget about asking and told me to go over and ask for something to go. And that's when we came over, remember?"

"So it was all _your_ fault that I'm here right now? You're the one who put the idea in his head!" Hershey glared at him. "I am going to give you _such_ a lashing with a wet spaghetti noodle when we get outta here-!"

"Owie! Wet spaghetti noodles hurt!"

"Keep going, you'll make it a wet _lasagna_ noodle."

"Sorry..." He glanced up, his one visible eye blinking up at her. "Do you forgive me?"

"Aww..." Hershey reached over and rubbed his head, giving him a smile. "I guess I can't stay mad at that face."

"Great! So you'll stay and be our cook? 'Cause your food's yummy."

She sighed. "Well... I'm not sure how long I'll be able to stay. I mean, Colonel Mustard might wonder where I am."

The kid looked down at his lap. "But if you go I'll miss you."

She leaned over and gave him a one-armed hug, rubbing his back. "I'll stay as long as I can, honey. You're too sweet for me to leave alone."

He smiled up at her, and she decided that his smile was the cutest thing she'd ever seen. "How sweet am I, Kiss-chan?"

She giggled. "Hey, if I stay with you too long, you're gonna give me a cavity."

**OMG FINALLY AN UPDATE.**

**Sorry, school is catching up with me. I seriously JUST finished this chapter. Not sure how the next one's going to go, but I'll do mah best... so babies, don't you panic! *starts randomly doing the Sweet Transvestite dance***

**Envy: ...**

**Me: WHAT? It's a story about YOU, isn't it, Envy? Dr. Frank may be A sweet transvestite, but you are THE sweet transvestite! ^^**

**Envy: ... I'm leaving. *walks off***

**Thanks for putting up with meh! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

Hershey and Wrath sat in the forest for what seemed like an eternity to Hershey. When she had questioned what they were waiting for, he calmly answered, "Envy." She took this to mean that Envy, the blonde guy he'd been talking about who had kidnapped her in the first place, wasn't done killing people yet. Joy of joys, they were waiting for a murderer.

So she waited there with Wrath, not quite sure how to entertain the kid. She tried to keep him occupied by showing him some simple alchemy that she could do, but it was almost always fail. For some reason, every time she tried to transmute a rock into something else, it turned out as a cookie with the texture of a hockey puck - which she then had to keep Wrath from eating, explaining to him that it wouldn't be safe to eat. He complained that he was hungry though, but there wasn't much Hershey could do about it. She couldn't find anything in the woods that would be safe to transmute into food. If there were germs on anything, transmutating wouldn't get rid of them. Odd as her current situation was, she didn't want Wrath to get sick. Assuming that Envy really was Wrath's brother, Envy would probably kill her if that happened.

After an hour of demonstrating fail alchemy and preventing Wrath from eating hocky-puck cookies that had resulted from said fail-chemy, Hershey was sick of waiting for Envy. She took a rock she had been thinking of transmuting and drop-kicked it in the other direction. "_Where the Heluva is this Envy person_?"

"Ow!" came a shout from where she'd just kicked the rock. From that direction came a boy with long green hair, dressed in a purple tank top and a skort, holding a rock (presumably the one she'd just kicked) and rubbing his head. He glared, tossing the rock back at her. "You know, you really oughta be careful how you take out your anger. You could put someone's eye out with this thing, considering the amount of force you used."

She glared right back. "And just who the Heluva are you?"

"I would've thought the brat would have told you already. Name's Envy."

"So... you're a dude?"

"Yes! What the fuck, do I _look_ like a girl?"

"No..." She looked him up and down - from the long hair, to the tank top and the skort, to the bare feet. He looked either feminine... or like one of those palm-tree-shaped lollipops she saw in the stores. "You look like an it."

"Shut up! I may have some use for you but that doesn't mean I'm not going to get rid of you if you get too annoying!" He grabbed her hand and pulled her off the ground. "Damn it! You're heavy!"

"Hey!" It took all she had in her not to just punch him in the face. She'd been teased about it all her life, she didn't need someone _else_ reminding her of the fact that she wasn't perfect. "I spend a lot of time around food! You think I don't enjoy eating?"

"First off, didn't mean it like that." He flipped his hair, tugging at her wrist for her to follow him. "I may hate you humans with a passion, but it certainly doesn't mean I insult people's appearances with such wild abandon. If it's someone I hate even more than usual, sure. But not someone I've just met. How immature do you think I am?"

"... More than the average bear."

"God!" He reached over and smacked her across the face. "I don't need stupid cartoon references." He nodded at Wrath. "I've got this one for that, since he absolutely refuses to let me sleep in on Saturdays."

"Big brother!" Wrath ran over to Envy and began to hug his leg. "Missed you!"

"Get off me, you little nuisance!" He shook the kid off. "Man, you're worse than Gluttony!"

"Wait, so how come you look so different?" Hershey asked, finally getting to the fact that before he had blonde hair and wasn't wearing this outfit that looked... well... kinda slutty. "You had blonde hair and you weren't dressed like a ho."

"I'm not a ho!"

"No, of course not, you're just _dressed_ like one."

"Could we, oh, I dunno, just _get out of here_? You know, before anyone comes back and finds those bodies. Because if they do I _will_ leave you and the kid behind."

"Jerk. If I _could_ kick your ass, I sure as Heluva _would_."

Wrath was immediately back over to her, pulling on her sleeve. "Kiss-chan! Kiss-chan!"

She sighed and looked down. "Yeah?"

"I'm hungry and cold and I wanna go home so you can meet my mommy."

She deadpanned and then looked over at Envy. "Could we take the boy back to wherever you guys live? For God's sake look at what he's wearing." She gestured to the tank top that didn't even cover his midriff, as well as the short shorts he had on. "He's probably freezing to death."

As if on cue, Wrath shivered - albeit looking a bit fake, but she cut him some slack because, hey, he was a kid. "Y-Yeah!" He hugged Hershey around the middle and buried his face into her stomach. "S-So cold, big brother." He even threw in a cough for good measure.

Hershey had to giggle at the poor kid, wrapping her arm around him. He sounded like an orphaned British chimney sweep. _'Scuse me, sir, but can I sweep ya chimney and earn some money for me brother?_ **(1)**

Envy rolled his eyes. "Fine, just follow me. It's not too far, so I think you can make it." He turned on his heel and began walking in the opposite direction of the previously busy Alchemist's Fair. "But if you don't keep up, I'm not going to be responsible for your safety. So I suggest you go fast."

"Coming." Hershey swept Wrath up into her arms and held him over her shoulder. "You don't mind being carried, do ya? I have to do something so I don't go up behind him, tear down a loose tree branch, and smack him with it."

"I like being carried. It's like a ride at an amusement park!"

"You've been to an amusement park?"

"Well... no, not really. But I've read about them and I've seen them on TV. It looks like a lot of fun except for when people throw up on the roll-y coasters."

She shook her head, but a smile crept up onto her face. "Yeah. Believe it or not I get really sick on those rides. So I generally try to avoid amusement parks."

"That's too bad. It seems like you'd have a lot of fun 'cause you're a fun person. Envy may be my big brother but he's really mean and he never wants to do anything with me. The only time he ever told me a story was because Lust threatened him to and it was a scary story. Then after that Lust told him to stop watching _Friday the 13th_ and telling me about it. But then he just dressed up in a mask and came to my room at night and scared me."

"He sounds really mean." She petted his long hair, and had to smile. She was petrified right now of what Envy would do to her if she disobeyed one single order, but Wrath wasn't anything like Envy. She'd never had a normal family, after all, and he was a cute if annoying little brother. "Don't worry, I'll be much nicer."

"Awesome!" She could feel him shiftng around. "So hey! You said you give people food names, and one of your friends is Escargot. Plus your call your captain Colonel Mustard and you called that one guy Kumquat. What's _my_ food name?"

"Hmm." She shrugged. "Well, if I had to choose one to go with your name, you'd be Watermelon. 'Cause your name starts with W. But I think I'll just call you Cutie Pie, that's what I was thinking earlier."

"Cool!" He held on to her tighter. "You're not gonna give Envy a super cool food name, are you?"

She snorted. "No way. I'm calling him _Enchilada_. We can tease him about it forever."

**(1) - LOL you always see those British kids in movies and they're SO KYUTE. I AM American but that doesn't mean I don't like British people. If you're British and reading this, I mean no offense. If you're offended then I'm really sorry! I didn't mean anything by it. =3**

**By the way Heluva Good? Brand of sour cream. XD That's why Hershey sometimes says Heluva instead of hell. X3**

**I'm so happy I got a new chapter out. It's been way too long and I'm really sorry! I hope you liked it though, hoping to update again soon! Bye for now! ^^**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the confusion if there was any, but Hershey's hair is NOT brown. It's most definitely purple. Also noticed a discrepancy in the first chap when Envy was pretending to be another dude... his hair was supposed to be blonde in that disguise and I accidentally called him a redhead once. XD I only noticed that when I was reading it to my brother so sorry about that! *hits self with shovel***

**PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE AFTER THIS. PLEASE AND THANK YOUUUU.**

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As it turned out, Envy walked pretty fast. Wrath had to basically drag Hershey along to keep her from getting left behind, and he was talking a mile a minute to boot. He was playing a game of I Spy (apparently by himself), and pointing at random objects in the forest.

"Hey Envy," Hershey called. "Are we almost there?"

"Don't worry, not too much farther for your weak little human legs."

She sighed. "Can I call you Enchilada? Please?"

"... Why?"

"I give people food names. Wrath here is Cutie Pie slash Watermelon, Ed is Escargot, Al is Alfalfa..."

"Ed," he interrupted. "You mean, as in Edward Elric? You know him?"

"I'll only tell you if you let me call you Enchilada."

"Fine. Now spill."

"Yeah, I know him. Not that well, although my assistant Marzipan is probably dating Alfalfa by now..."

"What's he like?"

"Alfalfa? Oh, he's very sweet, if a bit awkward, but that's mostly because of the metal suit thing..."

"Not that one! Ed!"

"Oh, Escargot." Hershey blinked, scratching her head. "I told you, I don't know him that well. We work in different departments. I mean, we both serve under Colonel Spicy Mustard - but Escargot, he's combat, and I'm espionage. We only see each other... ah, once a week, maybe. If that, I mean."

"I see. So you don't know much about him? Why he joined the dogs of the military?"

"Nah. He seems nice, though." She raised an eyebrow. "Why do _you_ care, Enchilada?"

"Okay, that nickname's already getting bothersome. Stop it."

She pouted. "So I hafta call you Envy?"

"Yeah, that's kinda what I meant by 'stop it'."

"Can I still call you Enchilada if you're not in the room?"

"What...? Yeah, sure, whatever, I don't care."

"Sweet."

"So... no information about the Fullmetal pipsqueak then?"

"Nah, not really." She furrowed her brow. "Hey, wait." She stopped, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "How do you know his title _and_ that he's not tall enough to ride roller coasters?"

"Well, we've met before."

"Then why'd you ask me if I knew anything about him?"

"Because I find your annoying, chirpy voice the most mellifluous sound on the

face of the planet. I'm just bored as hell, alright?"

"Oh ho, the big bad Homunculus gets bored."

"Kiss-chan, carry me!"

Hershey looked down at Wrath, who was happily skipping along, carrying a couple of flowers. "Um... Cutie Pie, you're the one who hauled _me_ all over Amestris a few minutes ago. Shouldn't _you_ be carrying _me_?"

"But that's wooooork!" Wrath whined. "Will you _please_ carry me, Kiss-chan? I'll give you these pretty flowers I found!" He held them up.

Hershey did a double take and snatched the "flowers" away from Wrath. "Cutie Pie, no! Those aren't flowers!" She tossed the three-leafed plants somewhere to the side. "That's poison ivy!"

Wrath began squirming uncomfortable. "Um, K-Kiss-chan, my arms and hands _itch_... really _bad_!" He started raking at his arm and palms viciously, and he wailed as he did so. "_Kiss-chan, it itches and it huuuuuuuuurts_!"

"So scratch it some more then!" Hershey grabbed his right arm, the one he hadn't dug his little fingernails into and obviously the one that wasn't itchy. "Envy! Come on, we're making a pit stop!"

"What the hell? No!"

"Just come on! Cutie Pie touched poison ivy and it's all over his arm!"

"So?"

"_So_! If I don't get the toxin washed off, I can't carry him or I'll get it! If I don't carry him, he'll scratch himself raw and just make it worse! Now _come on_!"

She dragged the screaming Wrath over to a running stream, while Envy followed, getting his hair tangled in some branches along the way. "Calm down, Cutie Pie, calm down," she shushed, pulling Wrath down onto the ground. She looked over at him, a hard shine in her eyes. "I'm going to let go for a minute, but you are _not_ going to scratch, okay?"

He nodded, sobbing. "O-Okay, Kiss-chan."

"I'm trusting you." She let go and cupped her hands to get water. She carefully poured it along Wrath's arm, where a red rash had risen up from the chemical in the poisonous plant.

He shrieked, more tears running down his face. "K-Kiss-chan, it burns!"

"Of course it burns! You scratched it! Now stop screaming. Hold out your hands." She scooped up some more water, shivering slightly at the cold temperature. She slowly distributed that over his palms. "There we go."

Wrath's breath hitched, and he began to cry more, collapsing against her. "It hurts, Kiss-chan, and it still itches!"

"I know, Cutie Pie, I know. You gotta calm down, you're just getting your nerves all worked up, baby. Come on." She wrapped her arms around him, picking him up. "Now, we need a precaution." She walked over to a tree and set him down She jumped and grabbed two big leaves. "Cutie Pie, can you hold one of these in each hand?"

Wrath did as she asked. "W-Will this stop the itching, Kiss-chan?" he whimpered.

"Afraid not, kiddo," she apologized, taking her gloves out of her pocket and putting them on her hands. "I just need to make sure you don't scratch. Now... since this is basic alchemy, it should work even though I'm not doing anything with food..." She clapped, focusing all her energy and thoughts into the transmutation.

When she opened her eyes, she could have cheered. There were now loose, fiber-based gloves around Wrath's hands, created from the leaves. They were plain green with light yellowish lining, as the leaves had been. "Well, not quite the design I was going for... but hey, at least it wasn't fail-chemy this time."

"Impressive," Envy commented, though he didn't sound very impressed at all. He still sounded just as bored as before, when he'd been asking her all the questions about Ed. "I thought your alchemy dealt only with food. Quite a feat to do something that doesn't involve your forte."

"Hey hey, I know basic, non-culinary alchemy. Not enough to actually be useful but... hey, whatever's clever." She reached into her apron and handed Wrath a small sucker. "There we go. That's for being such a good boy, Cutie Pie. Now, come on, honey." She picked him up, situating his cheek against her shoulder as he sucked on the lollipop. "Once we get wherever we're going, we can put some calamine lotion on it. That should help take the itch out."

"Can I take a nap after that?" he sniffled, hugging her tight.

"Of course."

"And can I have ice cream for dinner, Kiss-chan? Please?"

"You'll rot your teeth," Envy muttered.

"Sure, Cutie Pie," Hershey soothed, rubbing Wrath's back. "Whatever you want."

"And _you're_ just encouraging the tooth decay," Envy snorted. "Father's going to gripe to Sloth about the kid's dental bills and it'll be _all your fault_." He snickered, as if envisioning something. "On second thought, that's going to be a hell of a lotta fun to watch. Go ahead and ruin the brat's teeth."

"Jerk muffin." **(1)**

"And that better mark the end of our little adventures in the woods," Envy announced, sending a mild glare her way. "Because the house is just up ahead."

**(1) JERK MUFFIN. MY PHRASE. XD It's what I call my brother.**

**OK. IF YOU READ, PLEASE REVIEW BECAUSE THOSE KEEP ME WRITING. THANKS.**

**Also, sorry it's been so long guys! I kept putting off writing this cuz I wasn't really sure where I wanted it to go... still not quite satisfied but it was the best I could think of.**

**Thanks everyone! ^^  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**OK, first of all... I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOO SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG. I'M AN AWFUL PERSON AND I DESERVE TO SPEND ETERNITY IN GLUTTONY'S FAILED-GATE STOMACH.**

**I swear to God I had started this chapter a LONG time ago, but then I lost the paper that I had it written on. So this morning, I started looking for it because I had an idea of where it was. So after tearing through the papers on my dining room table, I found it. I was, however, disappointed to remember that I only had three paragraphs written. Sooo... I hurried up to finished it this morning.**

**Again, REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY SORRY about this. I really fell out of obsession with FMA, and I kept telling myself I'd get to it, like I tell myself I'll get to a lot of things but I never do. I'm hoping this will be the first step in my procrastination rehabilitation.**

**... Ok, well, I meant that to be serious and self-deprecating, but I think those last two words made it funnier than it actually is.**

**This is a bit more of a serious chapter, especially toward the end. So excuse the lightness on comedy, lol.**

**Let me offer up a very sincere and heartfelt apology by THANKING everyone who's reviewed so far, and it's a lot:**

**Darkness Revolution, Megan May, Saphire Moon Maiden, neoko-chan, darkbite220, CelticKawaii, . , malfunction, owl7498, con, Black Jinx, kid-kun, Adelphe of the Twilight, lillambdragon, run4life, Fan, Spot'sGalFrom1899, PancakeRave, hauarie, Bumblebeecamaro38, MaryLynetteluvswriting, Ume Kanda, gabrielsangel23, FMAlover555 i really like that**

**...**

**And a special thanks to Black Rose, WHO HAS NEVER GIVEN UP ON ANNOYING ME INTO UPDATING. I always felt bad whenever I saw a review from you begging me to update, and now I SHALL FINALLY MAKE IT UP TO YOU.**

**Oh, yes, and please do stop holding your reviews hostage. :D**

**Also, PLEASE READ THIS PART. RIGHT HERE. I recently played a game called Sacra Terra: Angelic Night. It's a hidden object game, and it's very heavy on plot which I LOVE. It actually deals with you vanquishing the spirits of the Seven Deadly Sins... which I immediately associated with the Homunculi, lol. That was what got me playing. And even though their depictions in the game are nothing like the Homunculi here, it was a great game. (Pssst, in the game Lust is a guy and he's SOOOO HOT, even though they don't really interact with you... I WOULD TAP THAT SHIRTLESS MAN WHORE.) I highly recommend it, and I got it from a free site, so if you're ever bored and looking for a game to play... THIS ONE. Just... JUST THIS ONE.**

**So, it's not very long, and I'm not quite sure when I'll be able to update again, but... I hope you all enjoy what I've got. :)**

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"Cannot _believe_ I'm even here," Hershey muttered, arms crossed.

Envy had left her to go behind some door, warning her not to move or he'd slit her throat. She assumed that meant only no running-away-or-trying-to-do-so movements. He didn't want her not to _blink_ or _breathe,_ did he? Then some lady who Wrath called "Mommy" had come and took the kid. He hugged her before he left, but she was lonely now. When was Envy going to be back? She wanted to annoy him and call him Enchilada some more. This was so boring.

"Hey, never seen you before. You just get here, hon? Who brought you?"

Wait wait wait. That wasn't Envy's voice. This voice actually sounded... considerably... well, not _nice,_ but just not... _Envy._ She looked over and raised her eyebrow at the guy who'd just sat down beside her. He had dark hair, cropped up into a short style, and round sunglasses over his eyes. And he was grinning at her, revealing pointed, shark-like teeth. "Um... hi."

He chuckled, bringing his shades down a little so she could see his eyes. They were lavender, like Envy's. "Hi. So, how long ago did you get here?"

She rubbed her arm, looking down. The way he was looking at her made her a little nervous, though she suspected he was probably the least of her worries. "Um... like... less than an hour ago. What time is it?"

"Oh, I don't know." He shrugged. "Kinda late. So who was your _escort?_" he asked, using one hand to put the last word in air quotes.

She pushed some of her hair back, blowing out a breath. "Envy and Wrath."

"Oh yeah, they... they went out tonight." She felt his hand on her shoulder, and she froze a little. She couldn't think of anything to do, and he started playing with her hair. "Where'd they find you, huh? Kidnap you from a beauty pageant?"

Wow. She was pretty sure her face was on fire now. "U-Uh, no. I was working a booth at the State Alchemists' Fair. I provided most of the food."

"Yeah? So you're an alchemist. Huh!" He reached down and took one of her hands, turning it over and resting it on his. As he did, she saw the flash of some tattoo on the back of his hand. He must have caught her trying to get a better look, because he smirked at her. "Were you looking at this?" He held up the hand it was on, and she could see it clearly now. It was red, the image of a serpent eating its own tail. "You wanna know what it is?"

She couldn't say anything, just stare at it and nod lamely.

"It's called Ouroboros. All Homunculi have them, different places on their bodies." He let his hand fall, and pressed his palm to hers. "It symbolizes death and rebirth - circle of life."

She looked down, trying to look at it again, but he didn't display it a second time. "Which one are you?"

"Hmm?" He glanced up without moving his head. "What's that?"

She shook her head, turning to look at the door Envy had disappeared through. "If there's Envy and Wrath... and they mentioned Sloth and Gluttony..." She got the feeling this guy was actually _Lust,_ the way he acted, but she didn't know for sure. "Then what sin are you?"

"Oh." His grin got wider, and his eyes drooped half-closed. "Where _are_ my manners? I guess I never introduced myself." He coiled his hand around hers, and brought it up to his face, brushing his lips over her fingers. "Name's Greed. Nice to meet you. While we're on the topic..." He lowered her hand - and his - back down into her lap. "What pretty name matches that pretty face?"

She blinked. "Um, uh... Hera. But my friends call me Hershey... and Wrath's been calling me Kiss-chan."

"Heh." He leaned closer, until their noses were almost touching. "Kids, huh?"

"Um, yeah..." Okay, what was he doing? Was he going to-?

All of a sudden, before he could even do anything - which she guessed she could count as a blessing - someone grabbed her by the shoulder and yanked her away. "What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?!" A quick assessment of the voice, coupled with a glance that way, revealed it to be Envy. Well, why was she not surprised?

He moved his hand down to her upper arm and squeezed tightly, forcing her closer. "I told you not to move! What, do you not care or are you just _that_ stupid?!"

She tried to squirm out of his grip. She was thankful that he'd managed to pull her away before Greed had done anything, but at the moment his touch was anything _but_ gentle. "E-Enchilada! Let me go, you're hurting me!"

"Shut up, you're being punished, and stop calling me that!" He stepped in front of her, not moving his hand, then snarled at Greed. "And _you!_ Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Oh, what?" The other Homunculus crossed his arms over his muscled chest. "Just because I'm Greed, I gotta be working _all_ the time? Please! What about you?" He pushed his sunglasses up, frowning. "You're Envy. I bet you _really_ must be considering setting Hera's hair on fire right now, huh? Just to ruin it 'cause _you_ don't have it." His look shifted to Hershey. "Come on, sweet cheeks, that's the kind of thing he _does._ You're not exactly safe where you are."

Envy hissed. "What are you trying to do, Greed? Recruit her just because you want her? News flash, you don't get everything you want." He turned around and began dragging her down the hall.

"Tell that to yourself sometime!" Greed shouted, his voice following them.

"Let go of me, damn it!" She shoved her fingers under his and finally wrenched his hand off, though the damage was already done; she'd probably have a bruise. "What is your _problem?_"

"My _problem,_ you stupid human, is that I told you not to move! And what do you go and do? _You move!_" He reached for her again.

She was smarter than that this time, and moved as fast as she could out of the way. "It wasn't my fault!" she defended. "He just came and sat beside me and started talking to me! I wasn't doing anything, he just grabbed my hand and - and started - I don't even _know_ what he was going to do!"

"What, are you an idiot? He was trying to kiss you." While she was distracted, his hand shot out and wrapped around her wrist. "He tries to do that to every girl that ever comes in here! If Lust didn't have more brains than breasts, _they'd_ be together! Look, he only wants you because he wants to have more friends than anybody else. He doesn't really _care_ about you."

She glared, but decided that struggling was useless and just walked behind him. That stupid grip of his, he was going to bruise her everywhere if he kept it up. "Oh, so I'm supposed to believe that _you_ care, huh?"

He snorted, "Yeah, well, I never said _that._ But you belong to _me,_ you understand? My stuff is my stuff, and Greed needs to keep his grabby little hands _off._"

"What about _your_ grabby little hands? He made some good points, you're possessive!"

He stopped short, causing her to bump into his back. "What do you expect? I'm Envy." He opened a door. "I would think that'd clue you in to some things. Nobody else is gonna get what I have, and I'm a jealous person."

"Pfft, yeah, by your name-"

"Shut up! Your voice is _annoying!_" He grabbed her by both arms and pushed her into the room, probably making something crack in the process. "You stay in there till I come get you!"

She landed on the floor, banging her head on the dusty bed. When she looked up again from rubbing her head, Envy had slammed the door closed. A lock clicked, and then there were footsteps leading away from the door.

Her eyes widened, and her lip trembled, but she refused to let the tears spill down her cheeks, no matter how much she wanted to cry. She threw her hands over her face, trying to hold back any sobs.

"Why... do _I_ always get the _nuts...?_"

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**WAAAAAH poor Hershey. Well, at least I didn't really leave you with a cliffie this time!**

**Again, SORRYYYYYYYYYYY. Like I said, I'm not sure if another update is in the new future, but at least I hope you guys like this one.**

**Be sure to leave a review, and THANKS FOR READING EVEN THOUGH I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON. ^^**


	7. Chapter 7

**UGH. Late chapter is late... insanely late. XD**

**Sorry about the wait guys, I really am! I haven't been in an FMA mood in forever, and right now I'm in a pretty mean one lol. I'll try to get a few chapters written beforehand so you don't always have to wait so long for updates.**

**In the meantime, this is a bit short, but I felt like writing it. GOD am I obsessed with Envy or what lately? X'D**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy! Hopefully more coming in the not-too-distant future! :)**

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It was hard for Hershey to even try and get any sleep that night. She was terrified of what Envy would do if - _when -_ he came back. Being ripped from everyone she knew was bad enough, but to be in a house full of homicidal maniacs who would probably kill her if she stepped one toe out of line? Or like Envy, who took every chance to kick her when she was down whether or not she'd done anything wrong?

For a good while all she did was sit on the ground by the bed and cry. What else was she supposed to do? Try to break out? Escape was impossible; someone would catch her and turn her over to Envy, who would then probably say something along the lines of, "At least _I_ know how to break more than a stupid window," while he snapped every bone in her body.

What, was she supposed to just sit here and wait for everyone to realize she was missing? It would be a week's wait for them to even notice that she was gone, considering how few true friends she had. Mostly it was just Mari, who of course would be too shy to speak up; Kain Fuery, who was too swamped with work to miss their not-daily conversations; and Kimblee, who was too busy rotting in a prison cell to worry about her.

After a while she bucked up a bit and decided that if she wasn't going to get through this with dignity, she wasn't going to get through it at all, so chin up. You cry, you die. She wouldn't give Envy the satisfaction of seeing her tears, nor would she just sulk around in a little blobby heap on the floor. He'd given her a room with a bed for a reason, so why not use it? Obviously he wanted her to sleep.

Sometime around midnight was when she guessed she'd fallen asleep. It was an uneasy sleep, not very relaxing, and she kept waking up. She did get a little rest, though it wasn't quite the rest she'd hoped for. She'd have preferred her sleep not to be disturbed by every little noise that might be one of the Homunculi coming to viciously murder her.

Finally she woke up one too many times, and was already facing the window, so she looked out. The sun was rising, which meant it must have been pretty early. "Well," she sighed, turning over, "the early bird catches the - WHOA!"

When she turned over, in the direction of the door, she found herself staring into the face of a short, fat, bald man. He was dressed in black, the way all the Homunculi seemed to be, so her one guess was that he was one of them. "Um... h-hello," she greeted lamely, sitting up and never taking her eyes off him.

His own eyes seemed to be focused, almost _trained,_ on her. The smile he was giving her was actually almost a little creepy, but other than that little bit, it almost seemed friendly. "Hi!" he piped in a high-pitched voice, leaning forward a little. "Lust sent me to wake you up. I asked her if I was allowed to eat you after I did, but she said that Envy said I'm not allowed unless he tells me to."

He acted... childlike, almost. She was a bit put off by the fact that he'd innocently admitted that he'd have eaten her if Envy hadn't said no, but at least it gave her an idea as to who he was. Besides, he hadn't actually disobeyed Envy and eaten her anyway, so she supposed she should be grateful that she was still alive.

She swung her legs over the edge of the bed, rubbing at her neck. "Um... thanks for not eating me, then," she giggled nervously. Putting her hand down, she stood up. "So... you must be Gluttony, am I right?"

"Yep, that's me!" He waddled toward the door, then looked back as if to ask whether or not she was coming. "You're smart. What's your name? Lust didn't tell me."

"Uh, I'm Hera. But I don't like people calling me that, so call me Hershey. That's my nickname."

He smiled dully, opening the door and heading out. "That's cute! Do you actually taste like a Hershey, do you think?"

She raised an eyebrow. "No... no, I, uh, I think I'm human-flavored. I mean, _is_ there such a thing as human-flavored?"

"Not really," he replied, leading her down the hall. "Every human tastes a little different. You smell good, but Lust and Envy say I'm not allowed to eat you, so I won't. Not unless they want me to, because I think you'd taste good. You might be kind of chewy, but that's okay because I like chewy humans. I don't like little humans because they're always too crunchy."

"Oh, okay..." Well, in some way or another, she assumed she ought to take that more as a compliment than anything else. On the other hand, she couldn't believe she was having a serious conversation about how her species _tasted..._ and how _she_ might taste. "So, um, where are we going?"

"Hmm?" He glanced up at her. "Oh! Envy and Lust and Greed are already awake, so Lust said that Envy wanted me to bring you to the kitchen. I think he said something about you making breakfast for him." He tilted his head a little to one side, blinking. "Will you make breakfast for me, too?"

Shrugging, she stopped when he did, at a small door that had no knob. "Sure, I'd be happy to. You might have to wait till I finish Envy's though. He's kind of demanding."

"Oh, that's alright anyway. I already ate some, but I'm starting to get hungry again. I can wait till you're finished, if your food's as good as Envy says it is." He pushed the door open, walking in ahead of her. "Lust, I found Hershey!" he called, scampering over to a buxom woman with long, wavy dark hair who was leaning against the counter. "Did I do well?"

The woman nodded, and Hershey was actually a little surprised that she didn't, like... pat him on the head or something. From just her initial impression of the two, it seemed like they had an amiable relationship. "You did very good, Gluttony." She then looked up at the other woman. "So... your name is..." She wrinkled her nose slightly. "_Hershey?_"

She swallowed. "W-Well, actually it's Hera - Hera Taylor. But I prefer people to call me Hershey. I like it better, is all. And you're... Lust?"

"Yes, I am." They regarded each other with a hint of shared feminism, though it seemed that Lust was far less curious about Hershey than Hershey was about Lust. Eventually it seemed that Lust decided she'd leave the new girl alone for now, and she crossed her arms over her ample chest.

"Finally, there you are!" After giving her about sixty seconds to interact with the female Homunculus, her captor and apparent boss grabbed her by the arm. "Do you know how long I've been waiting for something to eat? Lazy girl! Next time if you don't get up, I'll slit your throat!" He sure liked using that particular threat, didn't he?

"You're a Homunculus," she stated flatly, giving him the closest thing to a blank stare she could muster this early in the morning. "You don't technically _need_ to eat, right?"

Everything seemed to go quiet in the room, and Hershey caught the faint sight of Lust smirking out of the corner of her eye. After a brief moment, Envy rushed forward and pinned the alchemist against the opposite wall via a hand around her neck. "You don't _technically_ need to speak," he mocked, his free hand transforming into some kind of blade. It edged ever closer to the side of her mouth. "So how would you like it if I carved out your tongue?"

She tried not to move lest the blade actually catch her lip, but her fear betrayed her by causing her to shake violently. She had to suck in a few quivery breaths before she could even get a tiny answer out. "I-I wouldn't..."

He wasn't _really_ going to cut her tongue out, was he? He wouldn't. He was just trying to make a cruel comparison, to illustrate his point. He was bluffing.

He _was_ bluffing... wasn't he?

* * *

**AAAAAND I'M CRUEL FOR LEAVING IT ON A CLIFFHANGER.**

**But I swear I'm going to write more, as soon as I update! I SWEAR! GIVES ME ONE LAST CHANCE~!**

**Envy: *snicker* That's right, human. Beg for your pathetic life - I mean reviews. GROVEL IN THE DIRT! *kicks me while I'm down***

**Palm-tree-haired asshat. XD**

**Hope you enjoyed, all!**

**Thanks for reading and hopefully reviewing! ^^**


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